Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class
Rob Henderson
In this raw coming-of-age memoir, in the vein of The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace, The Other Wes Moore, and Someone Has Led This Child to Believe, Rob Henderson vividly recounts growing up in foster care, enlisting in the US Air Force, attending elite universities, and pioneering the concept of “luxury beliefs”—ideas and opinions that confer status on the upper class while inflicting costs on the less fortunate. Rob Henderson was born to a drug-addicted mother and a father he never met, ultimately shuttling between ten different foster homes in California. When he was adopted into a loving family, he hoped that life would finally be stable and safe. more
336 pages, Hardcover
First published Gallery Books
4.64
Rating
155
Ratings
52
Reviews
Rob Henderson
7 books 40 followers
Community reviews
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review. The man has been through so much in his life. From being bounced around in the foster care system to being adopted by parents who end up getting divorced, to military life, then schooling at some prestigious universities. I enjoyed the whole book and the last few chapters were so good. His background is not the typical background of these elite college kids. more
In Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class, Rob Henderson explores the many lives he has lived. From his experiences growing up in a working class foster family to the absurdities and contradictions he encountered among the millionaire progressive class during his time at Yale and Cambridge, Henderson distills truths about humans and our nature. If you read one autobiography in 2024, this should be it. more
Troubled, the part memoir, part manifesto from Rob Henderson is a fascinatingly structured book, softening the reader up with two hundred pages about his undeniably harrowing childhood and adolescence, adding some reasonable analysis of the importance of children growing up in stable, loving family units, before hammering them with his half-baked hypothesis about class. Each chapter is written from the perspective of Henderson at a different ages, from very young childhood to late twenties, and the author makes it clear from the outset that he will leave the analysis and reflection to the later chapters because this is the point at which he had the distance, knowledge and understanding to reflect on what had happened to him and what his experiences represented for society more broadly. His story of being shuttled between overcrowded foster homes, and then of the series of misfortunes that befell him after being adopted, is both heartwrenching and compelling. Henderson's points about the importance of firm boundaries, high expectations and secure attachment are eminently sensible and backed by not only anecdotes from his own life and his friends' lives but by comprehensive research. The main theme which underpins Henderson’s recollections of his early life is family, and the importance of stability and security to children growing up. more
Rob Henderson grew up in the foster care system in many household in many places. He became a keen observer of human behavior. He realized his friends with two parents had a better life than he and his friends with only one. In his case, it would take hard work for him to make his way. His understanding of the economic and social fabric of society is informed by his childhood experience. more
3. 5 rounded to 4Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class Rob HendersonThank you #partners @gallerybooks & @simon. audio for my gifted copiesThe majority of this book is an intimate, captivating memoir of Henderson's experiences in foster care, and later in his adopted family. Unfortunately, the last quarter took an unexpected turn, as Henderson shares his theories about social class and inequality. Though his conclusions are the complete opposite of my own, I still appreciate reading this book, and recognize that Henderson's unique journey informs his current opinions. more
(free review copy) It took me a minute to see where Henderson’s politics fell, but ahhhhh, the comments on his Substack filled me in right quick. And no, I don’t fall in his conservative camp, but also, the older I get the more I deeply understand how one’s upbringing and past trauma will shape future beliefs. This man was deeply harmed by the adults around him and the system responsible for his care and the society who should have caught him. He was cared for in the military and disillusioned at Yale by the vast class divide he encountered. Honestly, I don’t disagree entirely with him on several points and commend him for his achievements. more
Normally I prefer memoirs that are strictly story. If there’s citations, I don’t want it. So surprisingly, I was hooked on this. While roughly the last third is more commentary than story-telling, it’s fascinating to see the way Henderson’s experiences and realizations growing up have shaped his current views. I often step away from memoirs with something to think about but this book has me thinking. more
I don’t typically enjoy memoirs, as I tend to find them overly angsty. I loved this one. I should state that, as a fan of Henderson’s essays and a subscriber of several years to his Substack, I was predisposed to like his memoir. That said, I believe I would have liked it even if I’d never heard of the guy. Despite his horrible childhood, Henderson avoided the naval-gazing I so dislike and told his story in a refreshingly open and confident way. more
Thank you #partner Gallery Books for my #gifted copy of Troubled. 𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫: 𝐑𝐨𝐛 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐏𝐮𝐛 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞: 𝐅𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝟎, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️If I had to recommend one memoir to read this year, it’s this one. Troubled is so impactful and raw and is a must read. I found this book, and Henderson’s words, to be so thought provoking. I was constantly placing tabs in this book and highlighting parts that stood out and really caused me to think and reflect. more
I originally published this review on my Substack "The Unhedged Capitalist" - please check it out if you'd like to see the review with images and better formatting. https://theunhedgedcapitalist. substac. -----In the last few years I’ve realized that although we might not always understand their purpose, our cultural norms provide solutions to problems we once struggled with as a society. Our norms, habits and traditions exist for a reason, and western countries are bastions of individual freedom and liberty, at least compared to historical standards, precisely because we have a framework that allows us to work together and thrive. more
Wow, what a confusing chaotic childhood. Completely get how Rob says that the foundation for progress is a stable and loving home life. Yes education opens lots of opportunities but if you are not in a position to take those opportunities they are not a valid choice. It explains why boundaries are needed and why so many young men thrive in the military and struggle to return to civilian life. All credit to Rob for opening up and sharing his life. more
I love reading books about foster care (past foster mom here) and love when people are very open and honest about what they experienced and how they grew up. So much of what he said rang true to what I have seen and heard. I wasn’t a huge fan of the end how it talked more about social class but I definitely see how it all ties together . Great writing and thankful for honest and open authors like Rob Henderson. . more
In a time where so many poor youths don’t see a useful future, Rob Henderson’s personal story in Troubled illuminates a path to a meaningful and productive life. more
Rob’s father was never in the picture. His mother is addicted to hard drugs and he is taken from her and placed into foster care at 3. This is just the start of an incredibly tumultuous childhood. Rob bounces from foster home to foster home for years until he is adopted. But there is always something that seems to be waiting in the wings to shake things up. more
A heartbreaking but eye-opening story. I found Robert Henderson's story fascinating. Not just for his very impressive academic achievements but also for his very early awareness of the not so good things in this world. Granted, Robert goes through a lot of hardships from a very young age but sadly seems to me like he developed kind of an early adult radar for a kid, which is understandable. I can only imagine how difficult and horrible is to be separated from your biological mother, have no relationship whatsoever with your mom or your dad, and have to go through the Foster Care system. more
The title of Rob Henderson's book couldn't have been picked more aptly. By sharing his experiences in an unflinching manner, he gives his readers access to a perspective that is acking among people who have never come close to personally experiencing lack, torn-apart relationships, and borderline poverty first-hand. By following him into the abyss of his difficult upbringing, and the initial anything but rosy outlook, I have gained much gratitude for the many good fortunes in my life, and also more deeply understood that many of the measures which we pursue in order to help people may need revisiting. To draw a parallel with a very famous set of books [SPOILER ALERT. ]. more
I've been reading the author for a few years and I was excited to read this. As a work of sociology it is impressive enough, peppered with statistics and journal articles that support his conclusions. But it is first and foremost a human story, a moving personal tale of growing up in chaos and instability. Henderson "graduated" to the elite after a few years in the Air Force and admission to Yale, but he has a grounding in poverty and instability that the majority of his peers lack. It's a story that resonates with me, though my "poverty" was always of the relative kind and individuals in my life were unstable while my life was not. more
Recollections of a nearly unsurvivable childhood from a very bright young man who first survived, then coped, then healed, then went on to obtain an elite college and post-grad education, followed by some chapters of fascinating observations about elite social class attitudes in America that harm the working class, and the causes of failure of children in the California foster-care system. Wondering as I read what influences in Rob’s life might have kept his head above water, I noticed that he was blessed with at least two people who loved him with some tenacity, his adoptive mother and her daughter, who Rob calls his sister. So sad to think of all the kids in that world who don’t have even that. I look forward to much more work from Rob in the coming years. That kids do well in stable two-parent homes and poorly in chaotic unstable situations is truth that must be hammered home hard, for the sake of our suffering children. more
A personal account by the author of his life from as far back as he can remember, a life filled with uncertainty, loneliness and adults who continued to give up on him. A sad and harrowing experience for any child to have to go through, yet Mr. Henderson managed to pull himself together and present to the world, a most important message. The necessitates in child growth and development is a stabile, loving home whether the child is biological of the parents or an adopted child, or even placed in foster care. However, a stable home can still exist with single parenting. more
It amazes me how some reviewers are trying to make this book political. Keep up the hard work, Rob. And I'd love it if you wrote a book specifically aimed at teens and kids in the throws of foster care. . more
A must-read book. Essential reading for anyone interested in understanding the modern working-class experience. Gripping, moving, and authentic. It's also something of a "banned book", which makes its reading all the more worthwhile. . more
Having read some early parts of this book, what strikes me most is the authenticity. You can tell it is written from hard-earned experience. The style is entertaining, and readers get to learn from Rob's rare path to success in life. more
I own this via a goodreads giveaway. The opening chapter/prologue was excellent. It really set the stage for what I thought would be an incisive look at the class, the naivete of the wealthy, and way abusive or unstable childhoods set people up for failure. But most of the book was a biography with no pulling back the lens to analyze the author's experiences or the implications for the culture at large and I ended up skimming and disappointed. more
Rob insightfully weaves together the perspectives of an innocent child, an impulsive adolescent, a disciplined service member, a curious psychologist, and the unique troubles and triumphs of them all. This book will make you feel, think, and hopefully, promote the societal values which manifest children’s full potential as the rule, not the exception. . more
I'm a big fan of Rob’s work and a long-time subscriber to his Substack. I’m biased. But I think Troubled is an essential read because it makes you see your childhood and everyone else’s in a completely different (and more accurate) way. It powerfully conveys the importance of stability and family for children and society as a whole. Rob writes, “I’ve never met anyone who has tried to imagine what it would have been like to grow up without family. more
It's curious how memories are often laced with the most inconsequential details that nonetheless elicit the recall of the strongest emotions, just as if the memory were playing out in real life again. I unexpectedly came across an image of a Pokémon card recently, of all things. Having collected them in my youth, I could immediately remember how those cards smelled, how they felt in my hands but, more importantly, I instantly remembered the overwhelming adrenal response of anticipation, the memory of how I felt holding an unopened pack of new cards, and the feeling of pure elation that I could share with my younger brother. These emotions are the hallmark of an authentic memory. Dr. more
An incredible, eye-opening story told with remarkable clarityHenderson's upbringing was as unstable, violent, and traumatic as they come. From bouncing around foster homes to graduating with a PhD from Cambridge, his perspective on social class is uniquely insightful. As the chapters progress we see his perspective change with his age, but the instability and uncertainty of his early life remain central to his lived experience and greatly inform the ideas he later champions in the book. But while some readers will read this book as a critique of the elite class, it is first and ever and always an unflinching advocacy of the importance of family and values. The clarity and power with which he emphasizes that importance is second-to-none. more
From the inside of elite Yale, but coming from the far far outside of LA & CA foster care, Rob has a unique voice, a more authentic Point of View, and a penetrating intellect, combined with an honesty that is socially brutal. He coined “Luxury Beliefs” as an obviously true phrase to describe current pathologies of elite rhetoric, where “what they say” is far from “what they do”. The many insights already available in his substack and his X feed demonstrate the value of reading him, and taking him both seriously AND literally. When an elite Yalie is criticized by a non-elite, the words are ignored, since all non-elite are eminently ignorable. But if it’s from a Yalie, it’s dismissed as hypocrisy – “you’re here, aren’t you. more
I have read the first 5 chapters of this book (almost half). So far, it is a shocking and gripping account of what it is like for a young boy in the foster care system in the USA. I'm reading the Kindle version and a hard copy will be arriving at my door. Rob Henderson is a careful thinker and an clear writer that is able to accessibly communicate complex concepts. His story takes many twists and turns and he eventually ends up at Yale. more
I've been following Henderson's work for a couple of years now. So, while I had a vague understanding of Henderson's upbringing through what he has shared on podcasts, interviews, and Substack in a piecemeal fashion over the years, this memoir put his story into context. As soon as I started reading page 1, I couldn't stop. Moved, reading Henderson's words made me feel like I was watching a movie of the most pivotal moments of his life unfold. I felt his desire to rebel as a young child towards the revolving door of lying adults. more