Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously
Jessica Pan
An introvert spends a year trying to live like an extrovert with hilarious results and advice for readers along the way. What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year. If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs. more
368 pages, Hardcover
First published Doubleday
3.9
Rating
20414
Ratings
2720
Reviews
Jessica Pan
3 books 486 followers
Half-Chinese American living in London. Graduate of Brown University. Big fan of dogs, coconut smoothies and traveling.
To keep up with my new writing, please subscribe to my newsletter on Substack: It'll Be Fun, They Said by Jess Pan
https://jesspan.substack.com/
My second book, SORRY I'M LATE, I DIDN'T WANT TO COME came out in May 2019 and has sold 100,000+ copies to date.
It's about the year I spent: talking to strangers, performing stand-up comedy, travelling solo, trying out improv, going on friend dates and doing a bunch of extrovert-y things. I interview brilliant people throughout the book who guide me through these nightmares.
It's available here in the USA:
https://www.amazon.com/Sorry-Late-Did...
And here in the UK:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sorry-Late-D...
I'm also the co-author of GRADUATES IN WONDERLAND, a memoir about living in Beijing, Paris, Melbourne and New York. Out now!
Community reviews
I'm not a shintrovert (shy introvert - a term I was not familiar with before reading this book). I enjoy working with people and speaking to them. Yet, I do need my private time and space and reading to recharge my batteries. I have always been happy with this and my fantastic friends who do not see being an introvert or extrovert as better or worse than the other. Reading 'Sorry, I'm late ' was like talking to a friend, a witty, ironic, courageous, sometimes self-absorbed, but ultimately understanding friend who just happened to ask herself 'What opportunities am I missing out on and how far am I prepared to go to find this out. more
not to be a downer on the first week of the year 2024, but i don’t have friends. okay, that’s a lie i guess. i have three friends. in real life. not online. more
A lot of the stuff she forced herself to try was waaaaaay out of my comfort zone. Mad props to her for giving it a go and I was happy to live vicariously through her. The author is funny and has a way of making you feel a part of the story. I'm not sure if that's because I related so much to her story or if she is just that awesome. One will never know. more
Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes is Jessica Pan’s story of committing to a year of engaging in activities far beyond her comfort zone as a shintrovert (shy introvert). She forces herself to talk with strangers and attempt to move beyond surface level conversations, uses apps in an effort to meet new friends, takes an improv class, performs stand-up comedy, takes a solo trip, and hosts a dinner party. I admire Jessica’s bravery, particularly in her repeated participation in stand-up comedy, something I have no interest in doing. While I’m definitely more introvert than extrovert, I fall closer to the middle of the road and would not call myself a shintrovert — I enjoy socializing and going out with friends and family, I attend sporting events often and enjoy solo travel, but rarely initiate conversations with strangers, and definitely welcome and enjoy a low key weekend at home. ”Sharing our vulnerabilities and insecurities is the quickest way to make a real connection with someone . more
As an introvert with occasionally crippling social anxiety, I regarded Jess Pan's book warily. I saw the cover online, laughed at the icing-on-the-cake image, and then gave the subtitle a little side-eye. An introvert… saying yes… for a whole year. Say it ain't so. Alas, Pan pulled me in with enticing hopes of being more extroverted without it costing me my sanity, and I'm very happy I gave this one a chance. more
My first read of 2020, and it was rather average. I enjoyed how personal Jessica Pan got during her year of "extraverted-ness," but there was something missing for me in terms of execution and enjoyment while reading. I'm going to chalk it up to an "it's me, not you" situation. more
Too shallow to be worthwhile. It's all about a shy introvert pushing herself to do extroverted things like speaking in front of people or talking to people randomly and sharing her goofy adventures along the way. I don't love the obsession people seem to have with labels like introvert and extrovert, but I also find it odd that there are no books written by extroverts about how they decided not to always be out or talking to strangers or maybe they decided to stay home and read and how that year changed them for the better. It seems to me that everyone considers themselves to be an introvert these days and seems to revel in their awkwardness yet it all seems a bit self-absorbed. Pan seems to recognize this briefly when she's talking about getting over her fear of public speaking and realizing that nobody even cares. more
I don't know if I'm an introvert. I know I'm perceived as an extrovert, so much so that when I moved into my current job, one of the librarians who would have to report to me sent me an article about how to care for introverts (ha. ) But I have my own hill to climb to actually go out or show up. And I usually enjoy myself if I can hole up with a small group or one person (Gallup calls this the relator strength and doesn't bother with the E/I dichotomy. )I enjoyed this book where Jessica Pan spent a year doing things outside of her comfort zone, sometimes taking classes or consulting experts along the way. more
Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || PinterestI'd been curious about this book ever since I heard about it because I do identify as an introvert, but a lot of books about introverts end up really annoying me because they either (1) act like introverts are secretly better than other people-- especially extroverts, God we hate those guys, ammirite. or (2) conflate introversion with things that sometimes but don't always accompany introversion, like depression, social anxiety, social phobias, anxiety, OCD, and agoraphobia. Number one is annoying because introversion is just a personality trait and not a defining personality characteristic-slash-secret-club that some people think it is, but number two is especially annoying because it pathologizes normal behaviors and makes it seem like being an introvert is a type of neruotic behavior (it isn't). I liked SORRY I'M LATE, I DIDN'T WANT TO COME because it acknowledges that introverts come in a veritable crayon box of colors and flavors. It's also a fun thought experiment and as a psychology major, I'm big on those. more
Like Jessica Pan, I’m a shy introvert (a “shintrovert”) as well as an American in the UK, so I was intrigued to see the strategies she employed and the experiences she sought out during a year of behaving like an extrovert. She forced herself to talk to strangers on the tube, gave a talk at London’s Union Chapel as part of the Moth, used friendship apps to make new girlfriends, did stand-up comedy and improv, attended networking events, went on holiday to an unknown destination, took magic mushrooms, and hosted a big Thanksgiving shindig. Like Help Me. , which is a fairly similar year challenge book, it’s funny, conversational and compulsive reading that was perfect for me to be picking up and reading in chunks while I was traveling. Although I don’t think I’d copy any of Pan’s experiments – there’s definitely a cathartic element to reading this; if you’re also an introvert, you’ll feel nothing but relief that she’s done these things so you don’t have to – I can at least emulate her in initiating deeper conversations with friends and pushing myself to attend literary and networking events instead of just staying at home. more
***NO SPOILERS***Journalist Jessica Pan fully embraced her introversion but suffered from crippling social anxiety that was hurting her quality of life. Circumstances had left her with only one close friend (most recently, her husband; in the past, a cat), and she avoided any situation that would trigger anxiety or push her out of her comfort zone. Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come is about her year of what could be called "introvert exposure therapy. " It was one year of “saying yes,” as the subtitle says (or "extroverting," as she puts it) to some activities she always avoided and some new ones that terrified her. Anyone who’s been paying attention knows that embracing introversion has become trendy. more
Every once in awhile, a book comes along that you weren't looking for and didn't know you needed in your life. This was one of those books for me. The author, Jessica Pan, a life-long socially anxious, shy introvert (or "shintrovert" as she calls herself) decides to take stock of her life after all her more extroverted close friends move away, and she sees all the opportunities that keep opening up for them. Left to decide whether she wants her life to be "bigger" or stay safe hiding behind the walls of her introversion, she decides to go on a year-long quest to live her life like an extrovert and seek out or embrace opportunities that she would normally avoid. This leads her to getting help from a number of experts along the way, who give her the philosophies and framework she needs to pursue each of her new adventures, which include: talking to complete strangers, taking improv classes, going to job networking events, joining a friendship "dating" app, travelling alone, doing stand up comedy, and hosting a Thanksgiving dinner party for a ragtag group of relatively new friends. more
DNF @40%Every time I don't finish the book, I feel guilty. As if I'm cheating. I was really looking forward to this and first 15-20% were ok, even funny. But after that, things just start going in circles. more
I was intrigued by the concept of this book and have been wanting to read it for some time. Going in, I expected it to bear similarities to the movie Yes Man, where Jim Carrey’s character has to say Yes to every invitation he receives after attending an inspirational seminar. However, Jessica Pan’s journey from ‘shintrovert’ (shy introvert) to grintrovert (gregarious introvert), both terms coined by Pan, felt more like a vehicle for an extended exploration of her latent interest in comedy. The book spends a lot of time discussing her venture into the world of improv before eventually dabbling in stand-up. There are plenty of interesting anecdotes with friends she makes along the way and stories from Pan’s travels around the world, but unfortunately, this book was supposed to be funny and the author’s humor didn’t click with me personally. more
I absolutely loved this. Even though I am not a shy introvert but a “normal” introvert, this was super relatable. The writing is fun and easy to read, and I had to laugh out loud while reading certain paragraphs. With regards to genre, I would put this somewhere between self-help and an autobiography/memoir. This setup can be very hit and miss for me, but in this case it turned out great. more
I am an introvert so this book made me feel heard and not alone. I loved hearing the progress of her journey. I did listen this to audio and she did an awesome job. more
Had this been "an extrovert with social anxiety's year of living dangerously" it probably would have been bang on. Although I probably wouldn't have picked it up. I don't believe the author is an introvert, making this book nonsensical and irritating to the introverts who were led to believe they were the target audience. DNF @19%. more
This is the EXACTLY the book I needed. I don't think I have ever written a book, but reading this one makes me think I have. I too am a 30 something, shy, introverted, small town Texas girl who has no idea how to have a conversation (that doesn't involve ghosts or dogs) or make friends. I'm not Chinese, Aries or named Jessica (Pan) but I would have been if my cousin hadn't been born first, forcing my Mom to "get creative" and name me Jennifer (Ann) instead. The title of this book caught my attention, because SAME, but I had no idea just how relatable it was going to be. more
*thank you to to Netgalley and Andrews McMeel Publishing for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*3 stars. As an introvert I thought that this would be right up my alley. And to some degree it was. I could relate to certain parts of it but there was still a lot that made me realise just how much of an introvert I am as I felt that the people in these short stories were more outgoing than I am, so for that reason there was a lot that didn't interest me or that I could relate to. Still it had parts that made me smile and it was quite well written. more
This is a tricky one to review, in that Jessica Pan's writing is quite good in an informal, chatty, magazine style and is clearly well researched - but I'm not really sure about the concept. The synopsis is: "An introvert spends a year trying to live like an extrovert with hilarious results and advice for readers along the way. " In a time where we have had Susan Cain's book "Quiet", which Pan even makes reference to, it seems a shame that introverts still feel they need to try to be something they're not (i. e. more extroverted) in order to be happy. more
Ahoy there me mateys. I received this memoir eARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. So here be me honest musings . . . more
I was totally intrigued when I saw the title of this book. I am a social introvert and I enjoyed this lighthearted but relatable non-fiction book that read like an engaging novel. As a shy introvert frequently known as a "shintrovert", Jessica Pan decided to take a year to step out of her shell and enter the "extroverted world". After a family crisis in her family turned into a light bulb moment she realized she was lacking in the friend's department. She decided to take this time to focus on connecting with new people who might just turn into the good friends she was hoping for in her own life. more
This review has been delayed by four days thanks to a) the distraction of Brexit mayhem, and b) having three visitors (two humans, one husky) to stay, but this is no reflection upon the book. I thoroughly enjoyed Jessica Pan’s voyage into the unfamiliar world of extroversion. After finding herself lonely in London because all her friends had moved away, she decided to spend a year trying practically everything that seems scary and off-putting to a shy introvert. She recounts in engaging and very funny style her adventures with stand-up comedy, networking events, friend-dating, and even. improv:’What’s the best way to meet more people. more
This book was at turns hilarious and caused much head-nodding by this reader in agreement and wonder. Yes, apparently many people think and feel the same way about various social interactions. It is always a comfort to realize you are not the only one to feel a certain way. This author may not be a natural at stand-up comedy, BUT she completely blew me away with her writing. I understand that some of that credit goes to editors, Beta-readers, etc. more
This book is my favorite non-fiction of the year, hands down. I checked it out from my library and started highlighting/screenshotting away, immediately knowing I had to purchase a physical copy of it. I finished it in 12 hours… including me going to bed and sleeping in the middle of that. Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come is the journey of one introvert going, “what would happen if I didn’t spend all my time alone at home. ” While at times overly quippy, Jessica Pan paints a picture that’s so familiar to me - a woman whose life is good/great but missing something. more
I really enjoyed this book. In a funny and sometimes self-deprecating manner, Jessica Pan recaps her experience of living life as an extrovert. She has a lot of introvert experiences to draw from, so her book is packed with anecdotes and advice. This book reminded me of Year of Yes, which is another book I've read and enjoyed. I listened to the audiobook because it's narrated by the author, and I highly recommend it. more
Jessica Pan finds herself living in a new country with no job and no friends. She blames her troubles on being introverted, and she sets out on a quest to become more social and happier. I am a big fan of books in which people set out to become better, research how to do so, and then accomplish the task. And that's the story in this book. In the process of reading the book, I learned a lot about human nature, including "People don't wave, but people wave back," as well as the importance of deep conversations over small talk. more
Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to ComeOne Introvert's Year of Saying Yesby Jessica PanThis is a book I requested from NetGalley and the review is voluntary. This is a witty and clever book that I enjoyed reading. I can say relate to some of it. It has humor and is a good feeling book. I did find she repeated herself a lot. more
Jessica Pan decides to spend a year getting out of her own introvert way by trying different methods to put herself out there. She tries networking, Friend Bumble to make new girlfriends, writing, improv and finally leading to stand up comedy and public speaking. I really enjoyed hearing her story and watching as she literally takes the most extroverted things and accomplishes them (albeit uncomfortably). She's put through the ringer a few times, but manages to make a case and enough content for a book deal. This was good on audio, not great. more