What My Mother and I Don't Talk About: Fifteen Writers Break the Silence
Michele Filgate
ONE OF NPR’S BEST BOOKS OF 2019 *Most Anticipated Reads of 2019 by Publishers Weekly, BuzzFeed, The Rumpus, Lit Hub, The Week, and Elle. com* Fifteen brilliant writers explore what we don’t talk to our mothers about, and how it affects us, for better or for worse. As an undergraduate, Michele Filgate started writing an essay about being abused by her stepfather. more
288 pages, Hardcover
First published Simon & Schuster
3.81
Rating
13175
Ratings
1844
Reviews
Michele Filgate
2 books 82 followers
Community reviews
i love drama. i also love books that are touching and real and honest and incredible and true, which this one happens to be. but i also love drama, and this has that in spades. bottom line: good for gossips AND for considerate kind people. (i'm the former. more
It didn’t live up to my expectations, despite the essays being written by a variety of very interesting authors. I appreciated the honesty and vulnerability of each writer however I felt like some of the essays didn’t quite hit the brief, although they were interesting despite this. more
These essays are varied in style and subject matter, but that is fitting since we all have different relationships with our mothers. I really noticed the recurring theme of setting boundaries as adults, and the damaging power of denial and silence. They made me very reflective - for instance I realized the expectations I had for how my mother would change after my father's death were completely wrong, and I have yet to adjust to the reality. I had previously read the Kiese Laymon essay (I think it's a chapter in the book Heavy: An American Memoir, but maybe reworked a bit. ) There were a few I skimmed because I did not connect with them. more
Enough with the Hallmark Cards and blah blah Mother's Day platitudes -- this superb collection of honest essays focuses on the real-world complexity of being mothered and mothering, of being human. Top-notch contributors. All the audiobook performers are marvelous. more
reading this on a 7 am flight was a great idea i was super normal the whole time this is my review 👍🏻 i’ll add my fav ones later brbedit: there’s a really great range of different mother/child dynamics + takeaways in this. standouts for me were lacuna, thesmophoria, nothing left unsaid and the same story about my mom. more
This book started off as 5 stars all the way, but unfortunately I feel like the editor organized it from the best essay to the worst. However, despite that, I really liked that this book focused on a much under-scrutinized relationship. There are some renowned authors here, and I think they do a great job of conveying the tension between maternal love and the many mistakes that mothers make. As a mother myself, I often wonder about the mistakes I have made and whether my children will forgive them. I wonder that because my own relationship with my mother was not smooth and has lead to a strained relationship even to this day. more
“Trying to write about my mother is like staring at the sun. It feels like language could only tarnish this thing she has given me, my whole life—this love. ” . more
4/5Mamą turim kiekvienas, bet kiek tų turinčiųjų, tiek ir skirtingų būdų būti (ne)mylimam ir (ne)mylėti. Visos neilgos esė, iš kurių sudarytas šis rinkinys, atsitrenkia į kokią problemą. Net jei ji – per didelė abipusė meilė. Autoriai ieško (ir randa, bent jau daugelis) būdų per mitologiją, istoriją, politiką ar literatūrą aiškintis savo santykius su mamomis – jų charakteriais, psichiniais sutrikimais, politinėmis ar socialinėmis pažiūromis, ribotumais ar nuostabumais. Įdomu tai, kad nesitarę ir nesiderinę kai kurie autoriai naudoja tuos pačius nebanalius ir nedažnai parenkamus žodžius, kad apsakytų savo santykį su mamomis. more
This collection of essays is human, vulnerable, and at times cathartic. It is uneven at times, but highlights unique literary voices and encourages self reflection and forgiveness. It is not really what I thought it would be - and with so many voices, there were obviously some essays that stand out as higher quality, that resonated more with me and made a more lasting impression. I was pleasantly surprised to see the diversity - in gender, ethnicity, economic background, life trauma experiences, etc. - that was included in the collection. more
This was a heavy read. Essays from celebrated authors about dysfunctional relationships with their mothers. Keep your Kleenex handy. more
14 writers share the complexity of their feelings and relationships with their mothers. It seems mine is simultaneously all of it and none of it. For most of our lives we see and experience our mothers through our lens, our views, of what is said and done to us. And then the point begins with looking at our mothers as individuals in their own right, with stories of their own. Many years are spent in that floundering between desiring approval and receiving/ not receiving that approval; and running away to be free from that burden of desires and expectations. more
A great anthology of essays about our relationship with our mothers and mostly what's left unsaid. I've been in a kind of family drama mood lately, fiction and non-fiction. The first stories on this one just hit that sweet spot and left me thinking about the many things that go unsaid between my mom and me. Highly recommend listening to this one, the narrators are great. However, I do have to agree with a review I read here: the order was not my favorite, seeming as if they did it from best to worst, instead of a more leveled approach. more
i want this entire book tattooed on my forehead. more
A relationship with a mother largely determines her child's future life, affecting connections with other people as well as the one the child has with themselves. Filgate's book is a collection of people's stories about their mothers; about the relationships which, as a rule, is supposed to be filled with unconditional love, understanding, and protection, the resolution of which takes an entire lifetime. I quite often think about why such a character was formed in me, and I tend to always look for answers in my childhood. I can't answer my own questions, so sometimes books such as this one lead me to some strings that help unravel the tangle that clouds my mind. That is why it was so interesting to read other people's stories about their mothers. more
Found this book disappointing. I really had high hopes of liking it, but the overall writing (not the subject matter of most of the stories) of a lot of the stories is not great. I wished the person that had put the book together had thought about that. It is a shame, could have been a marvelous collection. more
Varied in scope and focus, this collection of essays is the most real thing I’ve read about the complexity of a relationship with a mother figure. The personal essay is in fine form and I’m here for it. more
this was amazing:( i'll see if i write an actual review later but i loved this, and it inspired me to make an essay about my relationship with my mom, so hope that doesn't end up bad. yeah. more
Our mothers are our first homes, and that’s why we’re always trying to return to them. To know what it was like to have one place where we belonged. Where we fit. In What My Mother And I Don't Talk About we read essays from fifteen writers about their relationships with their moms and what they don't talk about. This book was such an interesting read for me. more
cant rate nonfiction books it feels forbidden to rate someone else's life. But i liked those author's stories i liked how different their experiences were i liked how touching their storytelling was. more
My mom saw me reading this and said people are going to think we have a bad relationship . more
This collection of essays was unfortunately a bit lackluster for me. more
As with most books of essays by different authors, this was hit or miss. It was definitely an interesting selection representing many different types of relationships (from super tight-knit/loving to abusive/estranged and what most of us experience which is something in between). Didn't pack as much of a punch as I wanted it to, but a few were really interesting-- I did appreciate how some of the writers really captured how complicated and singular our relationships with our mothers are. Thought it was weird to end with the essay by the writer who had the most unequivocally positive relationship with their mom since the focus of the book was on how inevitably fraught 99% of us find our mother/child relationships. more
Essay collections can widely vary in the quality of essays which I expected, but I didn’t expect almost every essay to explore to worst mothers in the world and how writing saved the authors. I was expecting more nuanced view of less fraught relationships. more
The beginning was promising and touching, but it kept getting worse. The intimate stories about family dynamics were slowly turned into political opinion essays. Unsurpringly, all the different authors held the same set of beliefs. I am so disappointed. This book could have been so much more than that. more
This book awakened very sensitive feelings and memories, It made me think about my relationship with my mother, I already painted the picture of our relationship in my mind, And back looked at a drawing but I didn't understand anything. -I loved Dylan Landis's article and her mother Erica, Regret silently breaks the soul. -And my tears fell on Nayomi Munaweera's article-In Carmen Maria Machado's article, I felt the discomfort, the article's pressure on my airway, For example, feeling as if someone took my fear out of the box in front of all people. Why you crying now mariam. It presses softly, but it hurts. more
A very solid collection of essays from a diverse selection of writers about the things they don’t talk to their mothers about: family history, abuse, love, protection, secrets, first husbands, expectations. Particularly poignant essays are from Alexander Chee and Brandon Taylor (the last few pages of Brandon’s gutted me, not because it’s graphic or horrible, but because it’s a wish to have understood his mom and who he knew her to be). more
У меня сложные отношения с жанром эссе. Какие-то не воспринимаются моим мозгом. Какие-то улыбают и хохочут меня до слез. А после каких-то хочется свернуться калачиком и плакать. И плакать. more
Éste libro nos presenta diferentes ensayos de la relación que tienen algunos autores con sus madres, hablan sobre traumas, vivencias, experiencias y como influyeron esas mismas en sus vidas. Algunas historias son entretenidas algunas otras no tanto. more
An essay collection chock full of talent and heart, from Alexander Chee to Kiese Laymon to Leslie Jamison. Good stuff. more