The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read [and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did]
Philippa Perry
This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children. Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did), renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health, in childhood and beyond. more
240 pages, Kindle Edition
First published Penguin
4.12
Rating
24584
Ratings
2295
Reviews
Philippa Perry
42 books 388 followers
Philippa Perry, author of How to Stay Sane, is a psychotherapist and writer who has written pieces for The Guardian, The Observer, Time Out, and Healthy Living magazine and has a column in Psychologies Magazine. In 2010, she wrote the graphic novel Couch Fiction, in an attempt to demystify psychotherapy. She lives in London and Sussex with her husband, the artist Grayson Perry, and enjoys gardening, cooking, parties, walking, tweeting, and watching telly.http://us.macmillan.com/author/philip...
Community reviews
I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing. So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations. There was some, of course, hence the two stars; but I didn't find it nearly as helpful or readable as the classic How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, which Perry references. more
I’m not reading this as a future parent, but solely for figuring out why I feel what I’m feeling. Being in my mid 20s sometimes made me realized that “I am not supposed to be treated this way” by my parents. It’s a fact that I find it hard to accept, since I have been seeing them as a perfect pair. I always believed that I should’ve been grateful for all the supports they have provided, and the endless love I never have to wonder. But this book made me realized that apart from being parents, they are also humans. more
Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children. It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were raised, which often plays a major influence on how they parent their own children. Key to everything is communication and pertinent advice is offered on how to handle problematic behaviours and patterns, the need to accept mistakes and supporting children in positive ways. Widening and shifting perspectives on situations and understanding a child's point of view provide opportunities for better parent and child relationships. more
كتاب جميل . حكيم . عقلاني للوهلة الأولي ستشعر أنك تقرأ بديهيات في أسس التربية لكن إذا نظرت حولك ستجد الانحدار الأخلاقي الذي يملئ الأجيال الحالية وكله بسبب سوء التربية . إذا فما بالكتاب أمنية نتمني أن تحدث معالجة نفسية عن العلاقة بين الأباء والأبناء علاقة الصداقة والحب واللين . كيف تكون صديقا لطفلك وكيف تتواصل معه حتي لا يشعر بالوحدة الشديدة ويتجه إلي طريق غير سوية للفت الأنظار كتاب عن أسس التربية السوية لاخراج جيل يحترم نفسه وأبائه ويلتزم بالأخلاق كتاب أتمني أن يقرأه كل أب وأم. more
This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family. I skimmed some as my children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals. In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems when they are older. I agree with Philipa, I think it's hugely important for children to have a parent around when they're small and have the option to get in your bed if they need it, it doesn't last for ever, I wish I could enjoy some of those times again. more
This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power. Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much influence you have over them). As she is a psychotherapist, I was expecting the inevitable section on attachment theory, which as usual was a mixture of common sense and unnecessary rules (why does a child have to form close attachments to exactly one or two people. Is co-sleeping and skin-to-skin contact really necessary for bonding given decades of doing it differently. etc. more
Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style that in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child). It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous. more
بدأت قراءة هذا الكتاب بالأمس وأنا في العمل خلال فترات الراحة، وحينما بدأته وجدت أني في حاجة لعزلة، وفي حاجة لالتهامه كوجبة دسمة على مرة واحدة. وضعني الكتاب وجهاً لوجه مع ذكرياتي، ومشاعري السلبية خلال مرحلة الطفولة. بالرغم من أني سأقول كما يقول الأغلب أن طفولتي كانت سعيدة وكنت فتاة مدللة ووولكن، هناك بعض المواقف التي لا تُنسى، وبالتأكيد ما يصاحبها من أحاسيس لن تُنسى أيضاً. انعزلت بالفعل، وقرأت الكتاب، وأنهيته وأنا بداخلي فيض من المشاعر والذكريات والسعادة والألم وخليط غير متجانس من كل شيء. بالفعل، هذا الكتاب إذا تم تطبيق ما فيه وليس قراءته فقط سوف يسعد أبنائك لأنك قرأته لأنهم سيلاحظوا التغير الإيجابي في طريقة التعامل معهم ومع مشكلاتهم. more
DNF 50%. I don’t like parenting books that focus on what not to do and use extreme examples of “when things go wrong. ” This was clearly written by a privileged, middle class mum with just one child. Some working class families, both parents have to work to pay the bills. Some of her examples made me cry. more
I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover. I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on. I will never do that again after reading this book. more
What one thing your 90 years old self would be grateful of with yourself today. Working on my childhood trauma. Judulnya memang menarik. Kalau baca sinopsisnya, bisa ditaksir buku ini membahas tentang pengasuhan anak. Tapi kan aku nggak akan punya anak, why did I read this. more
Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend. and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up. more
كتاب جيد جداً، ولكنه يفتح جروحاً قديمة. فعندما يعلمك كيف تربي أطفالك، يكشف لك ماذا افتقدت أنت عندما كنت طفلاً فمراهقاً فراشداً. more
It was thoughtful, but the title was much more interesting than the book. more
Absolutely brilliant and I don’t think you need to have children to take something away from this book. more
رابط تلخيصي المرئي للكتاب على قناتي على يوتيوب https://www. youtube. com/watch. v=fpX8e. more
كتابٌ عظيم، اسلوبه بسيط و مفهوم يناسب الجميع، انصح به جميع الآباء و الأمهات، يُغني عن قراءة غيره من كُتب التربية، لم أجدّ ان عنوان الكتاب مبالغ به كما خمّنت. "إذ إنّ الامومةَ أو الابوّة تعني أن تكونَ أُماً /أباً لاطفالك، ثم تصبحون راشدين جميعاً ، وأخيرا ربّما تصيرون اولاداً لهم. فإن كُنا مَرنين ومُتساهلين مع هذه الادوار فإن من شأن ذلك ان يسهّل الامور على الجميع". more
generally ok but i cannot get over the fact that one piece of advice that kept being repeated in this book was "don't say no to your kids, explain to them why what they're doing might make you stressed or not be a good idea, but don't say no" and also "allow your kids to play with home appliances from an early age as though they're toys so they learn to love doing chores". like i'm just imagining a little toddler playing with the oven dials because it looks like a toy and the parent having to be like "timmy, personally, it is making me upset that your head is being burnt to a crisp. i feel that i would like you to climb down from there. how do you feel. ". more
This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read. The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on. It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet Lansbury's 'Unruffled' podcasts that put the philosophy of this book into action with practical tips on how to parent respectfully. Thank goodness I found this book; it has changed my summer and my life. more
ماذا لو علم الآباء المعارك التي يخوضها ابناؤهم من منظور أطفالهم وليس من منظورهم هم؟ماذا لو استطاعت كل أم وكل أب أن تترجم صرخات ابنها للسبب الذي يزعجه، وليس مجرد مصدر للإزعاج وأنه سوف يسكت متى ينتهي من هذا؟ 2012 bmw x6 0 60الكتاب عبارة عن رحلة طويلة مليئة بالمعلومات القيمة والطرق المثلى للتعامل مع الطفل حتى من قبل ولادته إلى أن يصبحوا هم آباء وأمهات وتتبادل الأدوار. "إذ إن الأمومة، أو الأبوّة، تعني أن تكون أمّاً/ أباً لأطفالك، ثم تصبحون راشدين جميعاً، وأخيراً ربما تصيرون أولاداً لهم. فإن كنا مَرِنينَ ومتساهلين مع هذه الأدوار فإن من شأن ذلك أن يُسَهّلَ الأمورَ على الجميع. " 2012 bmw x6 0 60يظن البعض أن الأمومة بالنسبة للأطفال هي أن نُلبِسَهم، ونطعِمَهم، ونغسّلهم، ونُنَيّمهم، ولكن في الحقيقة هذا لا يمثل إلا جزء بسيط. فالأساس هو أن تبني علاقة قوية بأطفالك. more
I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about. I had high expectations and I was disappointed. The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy. This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book. more
الشرط الأساسي للكائنات الإنسانية - كبارها و صغارها، أنا و أنت - يتمثل في رؤية مشاعرنا و تفهّمها من قبل الأشخاص الذين يحتلّون مكانة مهمة في حياتنا . إقتباس من الكتاب . أستغرقتُ في قراءة هذا الكتاب أكثر من ١٤ يوماً بسبب كميّة المعلومات الكبيرة فيه و الذي يحتاج إلى وقتٍ و تركيز . كتاب جداً ثريّ و مُمتع و كُتب بأسلوب سلس بسيط يُناسب كلّ الفئات العمرية ولا يقتصر على الآباء و الأمهات و المربّين بل لجميع فئات المجتمع لأهميته. يحتوي الكتاب على ستة فصول . more
Update: NO STARS. The more I reflect on this book the more fed up I actually get, because even though I skim-read the baby and toddler chapters since they don’t apply, the tone was disparaging and critical of any parenting method that contradicted the woman’s opinion. The woman causes self-doubt. Avoid. . more
„…за да се научат децата да се съобразяват с чуждите чувства, трябва и към техните чувства да е проявявано разбиране. “Преди време попаднах на едно интервю в „Гардиън“ с британската психоложка Филипа Пери, която има своя редовна колонка със съвети като agony aunt, и бях впечатлена от размислите й за отношенията родители-деца, от цветните рамки на очилата й и от цялостната й персона. Българското издание на книгата й е добра новина за родния читател. Както личи от заглавието, замисълът на книгата е да е бъде в помощ на (младите) родители, учители и възпитатели. Но след като я прочетох, си мисля, че би могла да е полезна за абсолютно всеки. more
There is some good stuff is here but it’s largely philosophy you can find in any gentle parenting/positive discipline book. I loved the image of being a container for your child’s emotion—it’s evocative and it honestly works. But the junk outweighs the good stuff. So. the stuff I hated: Perry reiterates “the ruptures don’t matter, it’s what you do to mend that matters” but her tone is so patronizing and condescending that you know she’s not so secretly judging you. more
This was a good read with some very useful tips to think about for anyone who either is a parent or questions the way they have been brought up, written in a compassionate and clear style. . more
3. 5 starsI often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great. This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act. I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and adults. more
Ann occasionally insightful book that has some pretty toxic ideas. This book should probably be titled It's All Your Fault (But Don't Feel Bad, You're Just Ignorant). I found the earlier sections on reflecting on your own childhood to explain your current parenting interesting, but exaggerated. Psychotherapy is her hammer and the whole world is full of nails. Her condemnation of using distraction on your kids is laughable as any parent could attest. more
I wanted to rate it highly but I just found it so dull. Is it the book I wish my parents had read. Probably but they wouldn’t have given a toss and would have considered it rubbish anyway. There was nothing groundbreaking. It was simply a reflection on conscious parenting. more
Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage. This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case studies and her own experience of being a parent. She concentrates on the bigger picture of being a parent rather than the minutia, concentrating on the relationship and how important that is to their well being. more