Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
Nedra Glover Tawwab
End the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself. Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them–in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. more
282 pages, ebook
First published Tarcherperigee
4.29
Rating
24988
Ratings
2571
Reviews
Nedra Glover Tawwab
21 books 921 followers
Therapist, NYT Bestselling Author, and Relationship Expert.Community reviews
‘Set Boundaries, Find Peace’ should be a required reading before we reach adulthood. Whether it’s through family or social conditioning, the vast majority of us have incorporated poor boundaries into some or all areas of our lives. The cost for us not having healthy boundaries is great. This book will help. As an individual that has done a great deal of ‘The Work’ to improve my wellbeing, it is rare to find literature in the area of psychology/self-help that strikes such a perfect balance between both addressing complex principles in Psychology and making the content simple to understand and incorporate for the reader. more
This book is a mixed-bag. It gives specific examples and phrases that can be helpful, but feels disorganized and repetitive. It reads as a series of choppy lists without enough context or depth. I have a job where I educate on boundaries; I work as a domestic violence survivor advocate. I will recommend this to clients who aren't regular readers or struggle with focusing on more dense books, but probably not to those who are ready for something more in-depth on the topic. more
Well written, engaging book with lots of useful information and helpful journaling exercises. I appreciate that the author covered the ways trauma and abuse impact our ability to set boundaries, but I felt like I needed a deeper dive and this book just offered an overview. The main shortcoming is that the book doesn’t really discuss how systems impact our ability to set boundaries. I also felt complicated about the insistence that boundaries need to be communicated verbally. On one hand, it was encouraging for me and inspired me to communicate some boundaries immediately around issues that I’d brushed off earlier as insignificant, and on the other hand, it feels important to me to have it affirmed that boundaries can be communicated in nonverbal ways and still need to be respected. more
I’m going to start this review off with the quote that instantly made this a 1 star book for me:"A recent Charles Schwab study showed that 59 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. Far too many Americans live without savings, emergency funds, or retirement funds. When they experience a small financial setback, everything can fall apart. It’s a boundary issue because we lack the willingness to tell ourselves no to whatever we want. But it’s dangerous to say yes to every urge without limits. more
Imagine that someone is talking to you about something interesting and helpful, but in a monotone voice with no enthusiasm and with examples so boring they almost seem lazy. That’s how this book reads. It’s not that it was written in an academic style—the language is easy— but the author just reads as a boring person. There are also a lot of lists, but care wasn’t taken to keep them grammatically parallel, which is both annoying and confusing. Anyway, it’s a great subject and I did find some things of value in the book, but I won’t be recommending it as a great read. more
5 stars. The half is because writing a book is hard. As a therapist I cannot in good conscience recommend this book. This book is NOT trauma informed, rather it blames trauma victims for their struggles with boundaries. more
I follow a bunch of therapists on Instagram because I find their aesthetically pleasing, easily digestible posts really accessible and they come in handy in my work (usually with parents more than young people). Nedra is one of the better ones so I thought I’d check out her book. Set Boundaries, Find Peace gives a good overview of boundary setting with specific examples and social scripts which I know many people will find helpful, and I liked the connection between (lack of) boundaries and burn out. Overall I think the book is a bit too over simplified and repetitive. I also wonder about the amount of responsibility given to the boundary setter - the book basically says if you set a boundary and others don’t follow it, it’s because you haven’t set the boundary correctly, which simply isn’t true in all situations. more
Since when are instagram polls considered acceptable evidence for a psychology book. more
*I was lucky and got to read this book early. I, like hundreds of thousands, follow Nedra Glover Tawwab's successful instagram and eagerly jumped at her listserv's opportunity to pre-read. I was neither forced nor guilted to review the work. *Aptly titled, this book explores how setting boundaries in your various relationships can really increase your sense of peace. What the title doesn't mention is that the specific and ready-to-apply tips within are SOLID GOLD. more
This book will definitely cause you to think about the boundaries you have and which ones you need to make less rigid. I like that there was a self-assessment at the end of the book, it allows you to think about which boundaries you need to work on. As I was reading, I became aware of the boundaries I need to establish as well as the ones I do already. I especially resonated with sections of the book where Tawwab talks about saying "No" more to people. The social media chapter also spoke to me. more
The best book on boundaries I’ve ever read. The author really held my hand through it all. A very important read. more
Overall, I found this unhelpful at best and slightly harmful at worst. I follow Nedra Tawwab on ig and generally found her posts around boundaries helpful to aid daily reflections, as someone who is actively working on my boundaries. I understand that she is a licensed social worker but primarily has qualifications and experience in therapy, so I was looking forward to more of her writing and insights. Her insights, I realise however, may be best given as a therapist, where she would work with each person's individual needs in depth and length, or as an ig influencer, where her soundbites can resonate with more people. Somehow, they do not translate well into a book, where to write one, one would need nuance, clear writing, deeper exploration of a topic, and consideration of a larger audience with different expectations. more
"Gimana sih kak Hesti bisa kerja full time & tetap punya side hustle. "Nggak cuma sekali, tapi berkali-kali ditanya hal serupa. Selain jadi mbak kantoran, aku juga mengelola komunitas, & (otw) menjadi kreator konten buku/bookfluencer. Jawabannya adl pengaturan waktu. Yang mana artinya mengkomunikasikan batasan/boundaries dgn baik. more
For all that I enjoy Tawwabs content, for all that the premise of this book is right up my alley, this just doesn’t do it for me. It is a poorly executed book. It lacks a functional structure, it is repetetive to the extreme, and it reads in a staccato way. I have followed Tawwab on instagram for quite a while, and I appreciate her content and was looking forwards to seeing it elaborated in a book. But the book is a big disappointment, it is filled to the rim with lists, the same lists many of us has already read on instagram. more
Disclaimer: I received an advance copy of this book as part of the launch team, but I was not required to write a positive review. My thoughts are my own. This is a practical guide to boundaries - what they are, how to set them, and how to navigate them. Nedra Tawwab takes you through boundaries in every way: different types of boundaries, boundary violations, communicating and upholding boundaries, places in life you need boundaries, and much more. Each chapter has stories that illustrate the topic, as well as an exercise to put the principles into practice. more
Some really good insights in the first couple chapters, but like most books in this genre, I felt like the rest of the book just repeated itself with different examples (though I suppose the specific examples might be helpful to some people who are in those particular situations). more
What I liked is the author’s clear thinking and her diagnosis of a very common problem people have: having a consistent framework of what they want / don’t want, vis a vis their external relationships, to help make sure those relationships are productive for them. “Boundaries” is a useful shortcut for that and the book on those grounds is worth a quick skim. What I didn’t like was the way the author belabored the point, and simultaneously stretched the concept behind its utility point (stretching it to cover self-control and discipline, I. e. dealing with social media addiction), while never going deeper into the “what” are you creating boundaries around. more
This book is so useful. Wow I can set boundaries with myself. So many examples in here, you will gain a wealth of knowledge from reading this book . more
Life-changing, especially for a people-pleaser with unhealthy boundaries in several areas. So glad I ordered a hard copy because this is one of those books to refer to again and again. If you feel resentful about your current state of boundaries with work, family, friends, yourself, and even social media, start here. Highly accessible language and actionable. more
This book seems like it would be better as a series of Instagram posts. Which makes since, since she's an influencer therapist. more
This is an excellent introduction to boundaries, but still useful and informative if you're further in your understanding of boundary setting, a must read. more
This author made a name for herself on Instagram and that’s exactly what this book was: an Instagram story. It’s full of “advice” but offers little by way of analysis or effective strategy. . more
As someone who’s done prior personal work with boundary setting, I found the content of this book to be incredibly rudimentary (and also extremely repetitive). There was nothing shared here that brought a fresh perspective to the topic. more
As a male, I think oftentimes subject areas involving self-care can be considered taboo. Boundaries is an area I don't have much knowledge in so reading through the chapters was extremely eye-opening. The book is an extremely easy read and can be easily finished in a few sittings. Nedra throughout the book offers tips and guidance on how to strengthen your boundaries but also to handle certain situations that can occur from boundary violations. Each chapter also offers reflection questions that allow you to dig deeper into the area discussed. more
This book was a 2. 5 stars for me. While I fully support the understanding that setting boundaries is an essential piece of self care- many of the boundary setting examples actually included statements to try and control the behaviour of someone else. For example- “when you are with me you need to put down your phone, you cannot have more than three drinks when we are together”. This overlooks the essential understanding that we can only control ourselves and our boundaries need to be self- focused. more
Easy read and very informative on how to set boundaries. I highly recommend this to everyone. Especially if you are like myself and suffer from the need to please. . more
As someone who struggles with boundaries, I found this book incredibly helpful and enlightening as it helps things make sense for why I struggle with boundaries so much. I've been following Tawwab on Instagram for the last year or so and I have enjoyed her posts and find her words encouraging so I decided to start reading her books. Boundaries are something that many people struggle with and that struggle begins in their environment and how they raised and that follows people in adulthood and comes out in behaviors such as having hard time say no, ignoring your own needs for others, people pleasing among others. I found her words, examples, stories that she used throughout the book very relatable and real and I did learn more about myself and how I can do this without feeling guilty. That is something that I've been trying to work on my my whole life and all we can do is take one day at a time and embrace growth. more
หนังสือแนะนำวิธีการกำหนดขอบเขตความเป็นส่วนตัว คนเราจะกำหนดขอบเขตที่เหมาะสมได้มาจากส่วนประกอบหลายอย่าง หลัก ๆ คือการเลี้ยงดูในวัยเด็กที่ส่งผลต่อการเห็นคุณค่าของตนเอง เกรงใจไปก็ไม่ดี แข็งมากไปก็กลายเป็นไม่ยืดหยุ่นเผลอทำร้ายผู้อื่นเล่มนี้เริ่มต้นด้วยการเล่าว่าขอบเขตคืออะไร จะกำหนดขอบเขตได้อย่างไร จะรับมือหลังกำหนดขอบเขตอย่างไร โดยแบ่งเป็นวิธีการวางขอบเขตในด้านครอบครัว คนรัก มิตรภาพ งาน โซเชียลมีเดียจริง ๆ เนื้อหาดี แต่น้ำเยอะมากกกกก พูดเรื่องเดิมซ้ำวนไปมา ถ้าเรียบเรียงใหม่ ความหนาของหนังสืออาจจะลดเหลือครึ่งเดียวแต่ถ้าเป็นคนที่อ่านหนังสือเกี่ยวกับความสัมพันธ์มาบ้างก็อาจจะรู้สึกไม่ค่อยมีอะไรใหม่. more
"The journey toward healthier boundaries is worth the discomfort of setting them"I really liked this book. I appreciated that the author discussed how to set boundaries with family, in romantic relationships, with friends, with work, with technology, and even with yourself. She provides concrete examples of what boundary-setting in different circumstances can look like, and offers possible scripts. Some parts were a bit repetitive but it was super valuable overall. more
4. 5/5. I think this is going to be one of the most important self-help books. Took off a star because there were parts of the book that focused on hyper-responsibility of the individual and willpower - specifically the “social media” and “work” chapters. There’s plenty of research on the so called “willpower” and we now know a lot more about how social media works (and the ethical issues behind it). more