Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World
Jennie Allen
The New York Times bestselling author of Get Out of Your Head offers practical solutions for creating true community, the kind that's crucial to our mental and spiritual health. "My dear friend Jennie Allen shows us how to make true emotional connections with the right people so that our authentic relationships can be healthy for all. "--Lysa TerKeurst, author of It's Not Supposed to Be This WayIn a world that's both more connected and more isolating than ever before, we're often tempted to do life alone, whether because we're so busy or because relationships feel risky and hard. more
304 pages, Paperback
First published Random House Large Print
4
Rating
13862
Ratings
1580
Reviews
Jennie Allen
89 books 1716 followers
Jennie Allen is a passionate leader and visionary following God's call to inspire women to encounter the invisible God. With a Master's in Biblical Studies from DTS, Jennie is the author of two Bible studies, Stuck, a CBA best-seller, and Chase, and the ECPA "New Author of the Year" winner of Anything and Restless, which also includes a DVD-based study. The founder of IF: Gathering, Jennie, and her husband Zac, have four children.Community reviews
Very disappointing. The premise for this book totally had me hooked but after reading about 60% of it I couldn't get over all the references to God and Bible scripture. Sadly this was not the book I had hoped for and was too religiously focused for me. The core principles have merit: trying to find connection in a world that is increasingly lonely. I just couldn't separate the useful from the religious 'fluff'. more
I wasn't sure what to expect with this one, but I put it on hold because as I've gotten older it is MUCH harder to make and keep friends. Talking about this from a biblical perspective should be an even better match for me, but I did NOT like this one at all and I'm obviously in the small minority. If you're going to write a book about friendship and you are a huge extrovert you have to understand that not everyone is like you. I feel like she glosses over a lot in this book and makes sweeping generalizations. For her friendship is calling someone while you're in the midst of a crying meltdown (which the author seems to have frequently), showing up at their house unannounced, and inviting yourself over for dinner. more
This is a very biblical book on how to cultivate deep friendships. Allen writes a lot about her personal experiences with friendships and things she's done wrong as a friend. It is sometimes surprising how often she writes about things like friends telling her they didn't want to be friends with her anymore. She is a minister so there's a heavy focus on how Jesus lived, scripture, praying for people, and how the enemy doesn't want us to have friends. She also talks a lot about the Christian organization that she founded. more
For a book that is supposed to be about making deep connections, I think the information and examples provided were very shallow. I came out of the book with the same amount of knowledge I had going into the book so. nothing profoundly helpful or groundbreaking here. Much of the book was repetitive and could be summed up as "making friends is good, but making friends is also hard," which is just common knowledge, honestly. I don't think anyone who is actively picking up a book about how to make friends doesn't already know that. more
I am not the target audience for this book. I rarely read "Christian Living" especially those books marketed to women. I have generally found them filled with stories and low on substance. However, I thought that this book was really good. I have only known of Jennie through her work on the IF:Gathering and the women in my church have done a number of her studies. more
I respect Jennie Allen, but this book bothered my conscience at times. There was a large amount of biblical truth in this book, and her practical tools were helpful, but at times I felt like Jennie Allen was out of touch with her audience and, to be frank, insensitive and prideful. I had a few big issues with this book: 1. I felt like the references to Rwanda and other village communities and their “relationally saner” way of life were romanticized and a stretch of reality. Perhaps I read too far into this, but I felt that this argument carried the assumption that people in village cultures face no or very little relational strife. more
Community is something that has suffered greatly since technology has enabled us to be increasingly independent from one another. We no longer need to run next door to borrow an egg, or come together to build a barn, or even share exciting news directly with people. We just order a grocery delivery, hire a contractor, and post our news on Instagram. The unfortunate part of this, though, is that we are losing these opportunities to do life with the people around us, resulting in at least part of the 36% of Americans who report feeling lonely on a regular basis. It is this type of community that Jennie is trying to reconstruct with this book. more
Not a big fan. I enjoyed the premise of how to cultivate deeper friendships, but I feel like the author lacks boundaries and doesn’t encourage healthy relationships. Other reviews address this too. As a Christian, I agree that community is important, but so too is teaching others how to respect your time, space and mental health. People, just like in dating, take some vetting and time to find good fits who will uplift you instead of draining you. more
I feel like when I first bought this book I truly hadn't found my people but by the time I picked this up I did. I did enjoy it and it had some great ideas on 'how to find your people' your village, the ones you know you can count on. This is great for someone who is looking for that. I was hoping to gain more insight on how to further my relationship with my people and I would say this book is more for people looking to find their village. So I would def. more
2. 75⭐️I had a lot of rollercoaster thoughts with this one…from thinking YASSSS, to questioning if a certain idea is one I agree with…and back and forthAs I’ve let this one sit with me and I reflect upon it, I think I will reduce the rating from a 3. 75 to 2. 75 as I feel like the resonating message is about all the things required to be a ‘genuine’ friend. I feel like this book puts on a lot of pressure to be a certain way and say certain thing in order to be considered a ‘genuine’ friend and if they don’t check those boxes, you can still be a casual friend, but ‘find someone who checks the boxes’ …. more
I ended up reading this book because I have a two year old who runs rampant at the library. I grab several books for myself and then have to take off after him. Had I read the author description in the back of the book, I would have never checked it out. By the time I got home and realized this was a very Christian themed book, I decided to give it a chance anyway. I liked the premise of building community after all. more
After a difficult year of losing a large chunk of people that I thought were friends for life, I found myself in a weird spot like you feel in middle school where you think: I’m all alone and how do I make friends that don’t think I’m a psycho when I dance in the grocery store to Cotton Eyed Joe and laugh at dad jokes. Basically, how do you make friends. This was a great and timely read for me. Friends don’t just show up at your door. They’re made. more
I have removed my review. There is enough negativity in the world. If it helps you, rock on. Peace, out. . more
I. loved. this. book. I didn't plan on reading this at first. more
Find any research stats, talk to anyone, and you'll confirm the majority of us are lonely. Modern life after the industrial revolution destroyed communities and "villages" of common life — and the proximate friendships necessary to simply live life, raise families, and be the church. This is a handbook of sorts for creating friendship and community in the modern world—specifically geared toward followers of Jesus—but with many universal truths. Truths about the kinds of people we need, the people who need us, why this is crucial, and how ruthless we need to be to incorporate all kinds of people into everyday tasks, daily meals, boring errands, and intentional conversations. We have to log hours upon hours to build those relationships. more
This book is harder than you can imagine to put down. Though I’ve said this about other books too, there is a special pull to this message and grace to Jennie’s words. She’s lived the without and fought for the relationships that now form her closest friends and her village. And she will tell you where she failed and what she learned, and all of it will help you grow. You get that from the book—that she wants more than anything to help you grow so you can live in the fullness of together with your people. more
Of course I loved this book. I heard from people that some of the ideas seemed repetitive, which I could see, but in a way I needed those themes repeated to help me have courage in my approach to finding my people. After reading the book "The Gospel Comes with a House Key", I can't help but see the need for community all around me. Especially after the isolation people have felt in the last 2-3 years. Not just any community is needed, but a community rooting for you in your walk with Jesus. more
Some solid truth and exhortation, but also didn’t seem like most of our real lives and felt a bit sorority-like. Seems to be written to a niche audience and very repetitive. For me, the high extroverted + optimistic energy that came through in the writing made it feel less relatable to me and a bit exhausting. Instead of feeling motivated,I feel tired 😂. more
Age Appropriate For: 15 and upBest for Ages: 15 and upI’ve started a quest to read a bunch of books on friendship and this was the second one. I’m wanting to learn how to be a better friend and reading books on the subject seemed like a good way to do it. This is my second book by Jennie Allen. I’ve found that while not my favorite author (purely for personal style preferences) she has a lot of practical advice I do like. This book is no different. more
A great book to read with friends :). more
A very inspiring book centered around why we need community. It was definitely written from the viewpoint of an extrovert so I have a difficult time relating to everything, but I believe there are life lessons in here even for awkward bookworms like me. Worth a read. more
Maybe I should have titled this book How to Win Friends by Being Awkward. Probably. It sums up this book for me. I heard Jennie Allen speak at IF gathering this year and I wasn’t terribly impressed but I thought I would give her written work a try. Maybe she’s not for me. more
This wasn’t marketed as a Christian book written by a random lay person, and had I known that it was that, I probably wouldn’t have checked it out from the library. Most of this is nonsense, but the good parts could be condensed into about five pages that simply set forth the thesis: connection, community, and belonging are core human needs, and they should be pretty constant and continual in one’s life, not sporadic. However, the book offers barely any action tips on how to go about finding and sustaining the kinds of relationships it recommends. more
I cannot speak highly enough about this book. Ill be vulnerable in order to leave an honest review. I’ve been saved for over 20 years. I’m an introvert, who comes from a tough home, so relationships have always been hard for me. In addition to that, my husband is an active duty soldier, so having to try to establish new relationships repeatedly due to moving often when I already struggle with connection, has really been difficult to navigate. more
Initial rating: 5 starsAfter I’ve had time to process the book: maybe 3 or 4 starsI’m still not sure because this book really left me very motivated and touched. I have hermit tendencies that have been exacerbated by the difficulties of motherhood. I typically won’t be the first to reach out or to invite people over. I am awful at making plans. Seriously awful. more
just the perfect book for someone who just graduated, is moving to a new place, or adjusting to a life uncomfortable to what they’re used to. Jennie Allen has a special place in my heart for her wise & truth-filled words ❤️🔥. more
Find Your People is marketed as a strategic book to help people find and keep their village. I struggled with how to review this one. For a small group of people, I think this book could be extremely helpful and exactly what they need to take those next steps. However, I don't think this book will hit the mark with people outside of that small group. First, this book is very religious. more
I got this as an ARC and didn’t read the fine print, but it hit me over the head as soon as I began. JESUS doesn’t want you to be lonely . It’s the worst of the self help genre (little bullet points and and rhetorical questions right out of a motivational speaker talk and bolded sentences so you don’t miss the point), plus mentions of god’s plan for “us. ” Woof. not for me. more
Awesome read. Super digestible and applicable. I never thought of myself as someone who needs to work on interpersonal relationships, but I have noticed since graduating college I have self isolated further and further. This book gives a lot of practical and inspiring ways to delve further into community, whatever that may look like for you. love 💞💞💞. more
so soo good. I honestly would recommend this to anyone. more