Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends
Marisa G. Franco
A lively, data-driven guide to finding your people from psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco about the (sometimes surprising) science behind making friends, maintaining them, and building connections of ALL sorts in an era of social fragmentation and rampant loneliness. more
336 pages, Hardcover
First published G.P. Putnam's Sons
4.05
Rating
5004
Ratings
735
Reviews
Marisa G. Franco
7 books 84 followers
Community reviews
Overall, I found this a wholesome, research-backed, and warmly and accessibly-written book about making and keeping friends. Dr. Marisa Franco foregrounds her ideas in Platonic by articulating how contemporary society often overlooks friendship and prioritizes romantic relationships. Thus, many of us may do not know how to form friendships and how to keep them, especially after high school or college where friend networks are more built-in, in a sense. Franco then provides a lot of helpful strategies for making and keeping friends, such as taking the initiative to see your friends and to build friendships, expressing affection and concern in a genuine way, and developing healthy boundaries. more
Here's the thing: I'm not surprised by the amount of research in this book-- Dr. Franco is incredibly knowledgeable. I'm not surprised by the beautiful storytelling-- Dr. Franco is a talented writer. What I AM surprised by is the ways in which parts of this book stirred me spiritually. more
3. 5 starsWhile this was a little more self-help and a little less pop psych than I’d hoped, it’s an important topic and I generally liked the author’s approach and advice. Making and hanging onto friends as an adult in a mobile society is hard, but as Franco points out, it’s also extremely important for our mental and physical health (loneliness is worse for your health than a pack of cigarettes a day. ). I appreciate Franco’s challenge to our society’s devaluation of friendship, as well as her putting it in historical context. more
4. 5 stars. An instructive look at friendship through the lens of attachment theory. The author, a psychologist, makes a strong case for why we need to prioritize friendship more, as well as how these relationships take work just like any other—and they’re worth working on. It’s an engaging read, with a blend of research, anecdotes from her own life, and practical tips. more
Is this a book review, a drag, or a critique. You decide. No one has friends, so I decided to do the research for you and check out the slew of books alleging to help with this issue — perhaps turning off your phone would help. But I digress. What did Dr. more
If you're lonely or struggling, read this book. Making friends doesn't have to be a chore, and it doesn't have to be elusive. I'm in my late 30s and I have two young kids, and I know how hard it is to fit anything else into the day, yet reading this book gave me hope and optimism for making more friends. Just as the pandemic was starting, my husband and I moved (it was a move we'd started before the pandemic hit), and we ended up in a new town with zero contacts, work-from-home jobs, and virtual school. Over the last two years, community has been too hard to come by, and I've felt the sadness that is not knowing enough people around me. more
I think book could be useful for anyone pushing past their mid 20s, as friend groups tend to start dwindling down. There are a good number of tips to maintaining your friendships and how to communicate grievances so that your needs in the relationship can also be met. Since the book is for making friends the author didn’t delve into it, but it would have nice to have more discussion of when to call it quits in a friendship, since many of the tips came with thorough examples I just feel like this would have been a good opportunity to guide the reader through ending relationships that were not healthy for either party. My only other gripe for the book is as the author mentions, the studies are often studies of small groups of white heterosexual American college students. So while the book is based in science, the science itself is not a good representation of the population. more
Platonic will be a great read for anyone who has or wants friends, so it should be a great read for everyone. I was particularly drawn to the chapters on taking initiative, vulnerability, and affection; the science and stories in each of these led me to much fruitful reflection on the relationships in my life. Dr. Franco has done a wonderful job synthesizing across hundreds of studies in diverse fields to present us with a digestible, funny, and often poignant book, which I hope will prove an entertaining and useful guide through the vagaries of adult friendships for many, many readers. . more
In "Platonic," Marisa Franco makes an argument for why friendship is so undervalued and then offers strategies for how to form strong friendships. I love the idea of Franco's book. In a culture where we are increasingly isolated and lonely, we need to esteem friendship more highly. I also appreciate Franco's approach of consolidating a lot of research. Even though the studies that she cites that are not earth-shattering (that is most of them), are helpful in grounding the book. more
The examples of people making friendships included cops, soldiers, settlers, slave owners. The bad writing is what meant I couldn’t go beyond 40%. Sad I spent my money on this. . more
Franco makes the case for friendship as being as important and meaningful as any other relationships in our lives with warmth and rigor. She weaves together science, history, interviews, and lovely quotes from brilliant thinkers. Anaïs Nin’s just got me, “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ” It also beautifully illustrates the self-expansion theory. This is typical of how Franco presents her ideas, giving multiple lens to understand the most important points to walk away with. more
Franco doesn't think our society takes friendship seriously enough:We don't just assume that friendship is a second-tier relationship; we act to make it so. Compared to our families and romantic partners, with friends, we invest less time, are less vulnerable, and share less adoration. We see romantic relationships as the appropriate relationship to hitch a flight to see each other, toil through tension, or nurse each other back to health. We see family as appropriate relationships to move across the country for or to stay committed to despite problematic Uncle Russ getting drunk and testy every holiday. . more
Such a balanced, nuanced book on relationships. Maybe the most comprehensive friendship book I've read. I appreciated how she really forced me to look at myself when I have relationship issues and see what's getting triggered and why. And I really appreciated her insight on vulnerability, authenticity, and sacrifice. more
This is the first book i listened to with my newborn while breastfeeding through the wee hours, and it was the perfect wholesome comfort read when I needed it. The topic of vulnerability and friendship was so fitting while I was going through the most emotional time I ever have, and feeling the most appreciative for my supportive friends. Friendship truly is such an important relationship, and I hope I can be there for my friends in the way they have shown up for me. more
First off, Marisa Franco's got a flair for humor and a clever way with words. Reading this book wasn't a dry academic slog; it was more like having a chat with a witty friend who's read a lot of psychology. The sections where she dives into attachment styles are particularly strong. She breaks down complex concepts into bite-sized, understandable pieces, offering some really solid advice. But still, the book often falls back on the standard friend-making tropes. more
“Friendship literally saves lives. ”I am going to need everyone to purchase this book immediately. This is one of those books I want to shove into everyone’s hands as soon as I finish it. I knew it was going to be one of my favorites after finishing the introduction, and every single chapter was better than the last. If you’ve ever wondered how to make and keep friends—in other words, if you are a human being—you need to pick this book up. more
I really appreciated this book and have found myself thinking about it a lot in the weeks since I finished reading. I struggle to rate nonfiction books because there are always parts that feel revolutionary to me and parts that feel obvious; I imagine we’d all feel this, but what’s cool about this book specifically is that what feels obvious/revolutionary would shift based on your friendship experiences/attachment styles. Anyway, I highly recommend reading this, especially if you feel insecure about friendships (like meeeee). . more
I'm mixed on this book. I think there is really important information for people who don't have friends or find it difficult to make friends. This is going to sound funny, but I actually do know how, and it's pretty much what she says--reach out, reach out, over and over and over. Expect some rejection. Allow yourself to be vulnerable (this part was really interesting and I agree 100%). more
"Platonic" gives you more than you bargain for. While it's extensively researched (the citations index is fascinating), Dr. Franco breaks it down to succinct guidance, laced with anecdotes that bring the research to life. The book includes SO many practical tips to create and improve friendships, but I didn't expect it to also encourage me to think deeply about how I can live more considerately and kindly alongside others. Dr. more
My best takeaway: it's a good idea to generally assume that people like you and want to be around you. If you're right, you're right, and if you're wrong, you still feel better about yourself. This doesn't come naturally to me at all, so maybe if I try it out and it's life-changing, I'll come back and add another star 👍. more
This book is a refreshing take on navigating the interpersonal relationship of friendship. After reading Marisa’s book, I was curious to examine my own friendships and how I am (or am not) showing up to them. Platonic is a must-read for anyone (and everyone) who is curious about delving into the complicated and beautiful intricacies of friendship. You will not regret this read. Five stars all day. more
vērtīga lasāmviela par to, kā veidojas un sabrūk draudzības. daudz praktisku padomu un ieteikumu, kā būt labam draugam un būt klātesošam vai distancētam, kad draugiem tas ir vajadzīgs. lasot daudz domāju, kāpēc reizēm sanāk un citreiz - tā ir viena vienīga neveiksme. more
So many people were talking about this one that I had to take a look. This will be of interest to anyone into attachment styles and interpersonal dynamics. Especially love that Franco also explores privilege and how this relates to authenticity - in an unequal world not all authentic selves are welcome - women who self-advocate are less liked for example. 'Privilege gives access to authenticity. ' There's also a little bit on how mis-calibrated affection can result in microaggressions. more
Marisa Franco does an excellent job of exploring the nuances of adult friendship. Instead of offering one size fits all advice, she highlights principles which can be applied to a wide range of scenarios to create stronger and more fulfilling relationships. She does not simply disabuse the reader of conventional wisdom about friendship with anecdotes and supporting research, but rather offers a balanced view between seemingly contradictory advice one might receive about friendship. As her arguments excellently weave together wisdom and research, they also unequivocally convince the reader that friendship is of utmost importance for living the 'good life' and that we all should strive to improve our efforts in making and maintaining friends. more
“So, after you start to practice all you’ve learned in this book to make and keep friends, there’s one last thing I ask: Don’t take friendship for granted. ” ❤️I loved this book with my whole heart (which I bought after hearing it on We Can Do Hard Things- and I’m so glad I did. ). Too often we’re taught that romantic love is the end all be all, but friendship is just as (if not sometimes more) important. I loved Dr. more
If you’ve found yourself saying “making or keeping friends as an adult is hard” this book is for you. Easy to digest, helpful, and encouraging - the author takes you through tangibles ways to understand what makes friendship good and how you can be better at it. more
Waw. Veel bijgeleerd. Would recommend. . more
This was really excellent. It gave me so much to think about, consider, and hopefully implement. I listened to the audiobook and am thinking about purchasing the hard copy bc I feel it will be a really helpful guide. more