Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture
Virginia Sole-Smith
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLERBy the time they reach kindergarten, most kids believe that “fat” is bad. By middle school, more than a quarter of them have gone on a diet. What are parents supposed to do. more
384 pages, Hardcover
First published Henry Holt and Co.
4.37
Rating
2761
Ratings
468
Reviews
Virginia Sole-Smith
2 books 364 followers
Virginia Sole-Smith has reported from kitchen tables and grocery stores, graduated from beauty school, and gone swimming in a mermaid’s tail. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, Harper’s, Elle and others. Sole-Smith writes the popular Substack newsletter Burnt Toast and hosts the Burnt Toast Podcast. She lives in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, two daughters, a cat, a dog, and too many houseplants.Community reviews
***I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway***This review is going to get ugly. I've got a lot of negative things to say, but before I do that I want to make a couple points. I *agree* with the author on several of her premises. I agree that anti-fat bias and fatphobia are ubiquitous in our culture and that bias is harming people at least as much as any health issues related to fat is harming them. I agree that we can't shield our children from these things, but we can give them the skills to see them for what they are. more
This is a really good timely book. It is smart and helpful and not only for parents or primary caretakers of children. I learned a lot and appreciated how Sole-Smith called in many things we think are "healthy" or "inclusive". I plan to suggest this book to lots and lots of people. more
I got so much from this book, which I listened to on audio (read by the author). I don’t have children, but I was a fat kid raised at the height of 1990s diet culture and whoa did this resonate. I was deeply affected thinking through all the negative, hurtful messages I internalised about my body, especially from family, and how that has brought me to where I am today: in a straight sized body after years of aggressive and shame-fuelled dieting, still constantly obsessed with my weight even as I try to accept and love my body. This helped me to understand where and how those insidious, relentless voices in my head were formed, even as I was walking along while listening, still body scanning myself in every shop window I passed. I really hope this reaches some parents and their kids, and that they are able to avoid some of the harms of anti-fat bias. more
What an important book to read as a parent. It’s a book I wish my mom read when I was young. The author has done years of research and puts a wonderful and easy to comprehend book together. Thanks to NetGalley for an advanced copy for the purpose of this review. more
I initially contemplated stopping listening to this book after the first chapter, but I decided to push through in order to provide a fair review. In my opinion, this book may resonate with individuals in larger bodies or parents of children in larger bodies, as it seeks to validate their experiences as "nothing is your fault". However, for those who are "straight sized" or have a more critical mindset, I would not recommend it. The author's main message seems to be that being in a larger body is not one's fault, you are completely healthy, and should be celebrated. She emphasizes that parents, particularly mothers should not be blamed for their child's weight, unless there is an eating disorder present, then it is the mother's fault. more
Sole-Smith makes some really good points about how we talk about food and dieting and weight with our kids - and how much of it is more harmful than beneficial. I agree with many of her arguments. Unfortunately, the science is atrocious. Several times, single studies are used to prove her point. She disregards any data showing weight related to health conditions (diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. more
this had me rethink almost every part of my life. more
I just finished listening to this book and am struggling to rate it. I agree with the author’s main points - that we live in a world with fat bias, that fat people deserve safety, dignity and respect, and that we should teach our kids that they should love their bodies as they are and work to change society to be more inclusive of diverse bodies. If the book focused on these arguments, it would have been great. But it didn’t. The author argued that obesity is just correlated to negative health outcomes but doesn’t cause them. more
I'd like to buy about a thousand copies of this very thoroughly researched book and hand them out to anyone I meet that either works with children in any capacity, or has children, or knows someone who has children, or was ever a fat child themselves. Basically, I'd like to force everyone on the planet to read this book. As a fat adult still untangling the physical and emotional damage done to me by a parent obsessed with making my body smaller, it was hard not to cry when reading some of the parts about parents and children that Virginia Sole-Smith interviewed for this book -- especially when so many of those parents are my age, and had childhood experiences so much like my own, and who are working so hard to parent their children differently. This is a vital book not only for parents of children, adolescent healthcare specialists, and educators, but also for anyone having to reparent themselves after a fat childhood. Thank you, Virginia Sole-Smith. more
This book is a deeply researched and often emotionally fraught treatise on how diet culture hurts all of us. The mix of science and narrative provides a solid base of knowledge while not overwhelming already concerned parents with too much jargon. After all, medical professionals using scare quotes to threaten anyone outside of a randomly assigned height-weight ratio with imminent demise is how we got into so much of this mess. Offering guides on how to avoid the common pitfalls of diet culture, including how it slips in the corners no matter how hard we try, this book provides realistic and accessible support to parents looking to break the cycle for our children. Personal note: the chapter on dealing with extended family (specifically how to combat the boomers who comprise a significant portion of the grandparent population) was especially helpful. more
An incredibly necessary book that most parents, parents-to-be, and victims of diet culture (especially when inflicted upon them by their own parents) should read. This really challenged me and made me reflect on how much I have to learn and need to question about my own assumptions and biases. Disrupting diet culture in one’s own parenting practices isn’t as intuitive as it might seem, and though I’m not sure I’ll follow every single piece of advice in this book in the event that I DO become a parent, I know that I’ll keep it close and reference it often because I want to ensure any children I may have someday have a healthier relationship with their bodies than I do with mine. . more
I’m struggling with this one. I enjoyed the comments around normalizing all body sizes and I’m completely on bored with that. Diet culture does lead to eating disorders. I completely agree. But the talks on eating healthy and good and bad foods I don’t agree with completely. more
Whew, this book was hard to rate. Maybe tipped to 3. 5 for the last chapter. I really wanted to love this book in its entirety, and maybe I just had different expectations for what the book was. I was hoping for more concrete/practical suggestions for raising kids, especially daughters, in how to think about their bodies and relate to them in our current culture. more
This is a paradigm-shifting book. It takes all of the body positivity movement and supports anti-diet culture pretty solidly. It considers the language that we use to discuss bodies, the cultural and historical implications of body sizes, the expectations and pressures and shaming of mothers of people in bigger bodies, and the relationships between weight and health and genetics. I did want a bit more depth on the medical connections with weight and health, but there is probably just the right amount. She debunks and/or questions a lot of the common beliefs in this arena, and, as she considers new ideas that may have causation-correlation problems, she acknowledges these problems and notes that they are the same problems with the things that we commonly hold as truth. more
The title of this book drew me in because I have been thinking a lot lately about how I and different people relate to food. Between my love for cooking, my devotion to nutrition, and my job which largely focuses on food security, I realized that I spend a majority of my waking hours considering how I and others eat. Additionally, I’ve had some conversations lately that make me as concerned as ever by the prevalence of eating disorders, especially among youth. SO, this book seemed relevant. Unfortunately, it was maybe the most disagreeable book I have ever read. more
This book. Many other people have said this already, but this book is soooo not just for parents. I wish that literally everyone in my life would read it. It's such a heavy-hitter, and also such a joy to read. Fat Talk is excellently, thoroughly reported, with great care toward its subjects. more
I read this for my therapist book club at work and it was our best pick yet. Accessibly presented research fleshed out with the stories of lots of different families and how they’ve navigated weight, food, exercise, eating disorders, and more. Sole-Smith brings so much empathy to all angles of these conversations. I learned more from some chapters than others - I particularly appreciated the ones on sports and puberty. Obviously this is specifically intended for parents but it would benefit anyone who spends any time around children. more
Forget the "parenting" in the age of diet culture. This book is for parents and also anyone who was a child once. Totally turning the idea of nutrition and health on its head. I cant say "I loved this book" enough. . more
This important book has arrived just when the world needs it most. Rates of eating disorders have been skyrocketing, social media algorithms are inviting kids into ever more extreme body-focused content, and now new American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines are recommending risky diets, drugs, and weight-loss surgery for kids. In "Fat Talk," Sole-Smith weaves together her thorough research with tender personal stories from families who are navigating a world that tells so many of us are bodies are wrong. Some readers will likely find that this book challenges deeply held beliefs about food, weight, and the role of parents in shaping kids' eating habits and body image. Others will find that this book feels like coming home--to ideas they've always known deep down to be true but never had seen articulated in such a compelling, profound way. more
Some good information, but it never addresses if a child actively and healthily wants to change his/ her weight or eating habits to feel better inside. I don’t think that allowing your child to do literally anything they want is a good thing in any situation. more
This is a must-read book for not only parents, but for everyone. I’ve been on the heavy side since childhood, and I’m just so grateful that Virginia Sole-Smith put together a book discussing how our society treats bigger people. There are so many negative stereotypes about bigger people, and a lot of it has to do with ridiculous myths and misconceptions about why people are overweight. The book really focuses on how the way we talk about fatness to our kids is extremely damaging. It not only leads to depression and a negative self-view, but it also often leads to extremely harmful eating disorders. more
This was so good and so informative about the pressures kids face being raced in this diet culturey fat phobic society. There are so many influences on kids from their doctors, schools, sports, etc. its scary. The discrimination and difference between kid in small bodies vs large bodies is heartbreaking. My complaint about this book is that it kind of heightened my anxiety. more
Everyone with a kid or a body (so everyone) should read this book. It is so balanced between personal experience, relatable & empathetic reporting & such strong scientific research. Seriously even though it is about kids, I think this is a boom that feel essential for everyone reparenting themselves around diet culture whether you have children or not. . more
I would recommend this book to all parents/teachers/healthcare workers/humans. Such an important and tricky topic . more
I stan for Virginia Sole-Smith and, so, I think I’ve read or listened to every single thing she’s written or recorded. But I still gained a ton from this book. She’s a fabulous writer who seamlessly weaves qualitative and quantitative data together. The result is a powerful and pragmatic tool for parents and non-parents alike. I gained a lot from her chapters on travel sports, social media, and puberty, in particular. more
This book was recommended by a few parents I know. It brought up some great points about diet culture and our anti-fat culture. I don’t think I’m the target audience of the book though. The book also seems to suggest that we let our kids eat what they want, and I am not worried about my kid’s weight at all, I don't have issues with processed foods, but I can’t just let him eat what he wants because he would just eat candy and snacks for months on end without ever eating dinner at all. And I’m just kinda peeved the book didn’t address that issue since j think lots of parents face that issue. more
I have mixed feelings on this. All the unpacking of anti-fat bias in here is good for me, as a parent, a fat person, and a human in the world. I'm glad I read this for that and some of the strategies about conversations to have with kids of all body sizes. We've been lucky to have pediatricians that haven't talked about weight and dieting, but I thought the suggestions about how to handle those things with your doctor's office were great. Overall I have positive feelings about this book and would recommend it. more
100 stars. Do you have a mouth that consumes food and ears and eyes that read and hear. Do you parent someone or have been parented. Then this book is for you. Amazing and hard read that breaks down the influence that diet culture and weight stigma has had on our lives and how we can break that cycle for the younger generation. more
I really wanted to love this book in its entirety. I want a resource to point people to for understanding the dangerous and incorrect perceptions we have about weight and health. 1/2-2/3 of the book gave me just that with great discussion on the societal implications, history, and dangers of anti-fat bias. If I could just have those chapters would rate it 5 stars. However the discussion about the medical implications is misleading. more
I started this book because I want to make sure that I’m in a good place with all of this as I raise my kids, especially my daughter- because body image has always been an issue for me. It gave me a lot to think about, validation I didn’t know I needed, and ways to challenge my own thoughts, and change the conversation especially in ways I didn’t think I could. I think everyone should read this, at a minimum to expose the anti-fat bias’ that you might not have thought you had, but to also watch out for the kids in the rising generation so they can grow up in a better mindset about body image and health than we did. . more