How to Change Anyone's Mind Without Persuading Them

If you tell someone what to do, they become defensive. 

However, if they arrive at the same conclusion themselves, they're much more likely to buy what you're selling, whether it's your idea or product.

Give people a choice and they're more likely to go along with your idea.

Effective persuaders provide a limited set of options from which people can choose. For example, most successful advertising agency executives don't show up at pitch meetings with only one proposal. They don't present 12 ideas, either. They offer a choice between two or three ideas.

Ask more questions and make fewer statements. People are often reluctant to follow someone's lead, but they're more likely to follow the path they set out for themselves.

For example, when trying to get their team to go along with a new initiative, ineffective persuaders push it on people in the form of a declaration. Effective persuaders start by asking questions, visiting with stakeholders, getting their perspectives, and engaging them involved in the planning process.

People strive for internal consistency. They want their beliefs and actions to align. Highlighting a gap means pointing out a disconnect between a person's thoughts and actions.

For example, if you're convinced that a project needs to end, you've got a tough sell. Your team might be wedded to it because they've put in so much time. Inertia sets in. Start by asking your team if they were starting from scratch today--knowing what they know--would they embark on the project?

Applying "tactical empathy" is far more effective than telling people what to do. Effective persuaders make people feel like they're looking out for them. Rather than "persuade," start by understanding the other person.

Pay attention to your words. For example, you can say: "You and I are going to work this out" or "We've got to keep working together." By using "we" instead of "I" statements, you're more likely to build a bridge of trust.