How To Ignore People

Research by Dr David McCleilland of Harvard shows that the people you habitually associate with determines 95% of your success or failure in life.

Some people hold us back while others help us forward. You can't hang out with negative people and expect a positive life.  Moreover, you can do all the right things, but be around people who hold you to a lower standard.

It is important to be able to recognise the different types of negative people and know how we can sidestep them.

These people are very charismatic. They are masters at sweeping you up into their personal melodramas, then need you to help solve some urgent problem. So you do. But then there's another problem, and another, until you realise that they crave attention and use urgent problems to control you.

When you respond to their demands, your life is hijacked by their daily dramas. First they flatter you by convincing you that you are the only one they can count on, then they appeal to your sympathy, ego and desire to do the right thing.

• Set boundaries around them and don't allow them to overstep. For example, lay out a strict schedule of your availability.
• Don't ask them how they're feeling. Doing so could lead to a vent or complaint.
• Don't reward their drama. Instead of responding, focus on your own work. Say something like, "Sorry you're feeling bad, but I've got work to do."
• Recharge after an encounter with a drama queen. Go for a walk or listen to music. Don't dwell on the drama.
• If all else fails, distance yourself. Tell them you need time alone and stick to it.

You may be in a situation with someone who is intimidating and demanding, and you try to keep the peace by doing whatever they want. But regardless of what you do, it's never enough.

When you are a pleaser, you never say "no". This is an unhealthy pattern of behaviour as it results in you being surrounded by rude, selfish, and unforgiving people who treat you like a doormat instead of appreciating that you've put their needs first.

You can deal with people that fails to appreciate you by changing your attitude towards them.

• Ask yourself why you want to please someone. Is it because you want them to be happy or because you are afraid and insecure? You might be a people pleaser because you fear rejection.
• Assess your priorities. When a person you have been trying to please asks you for anything, stop to think if you really want to do that thing.
• Speak up for what you want.
• Learn how to say "no" or "no, thank you." Let people know when you can't do what they want. You don't need to make excuses.

Someone is perhaps discouraging you from pursuing your goals and dreams. For example, they may think your plans for the future is impossible or that you are joking. They may sabotage your plans to cultivate a new habit. Or they keep you from achieving your potential.

You need to ignore naysayers because their madness will destroy you if you give in. You will change into who they say you are and steal your life from you.

• Redirect them. When they offer unsolicited opinions about your activities, politely mention that you are not looking for their input and suggest that they focus on improving their own situation.
• Give them credence. Tell them you will consider their thoughts and let them know how it went.
• Answer their objections. If they speak beyond their own knowledge, ensure to do your homework and then show them facts supporting your approach.
• Eliminate them if they constantly bring you down.

The manipulator will say and do anything to get others to do what they want them to do. These people prioritise their own feelings and needs and insist that you help them at all costs., but if you need assistance, they will not help you.

The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to serve his agenda. 

• Avoid self-blame. Remember that you are not the problem, you are being manipulated.
• Turn the focus on them by asking probing questions, such as "Does it seem reasonable to you?" or "Does it sound fair?"
• Take your time. Manipulators often expect an answer immediately. Consider leveraging time by saying "I'll think about it." Then consider if you want to negotiate or if it's better to say "no."
• Keep your distance. Manipulators will be very polite to one person and rude to the next.

The stubborn person insists you should be someone else. They label you unfairly based on who you used to be.

The only relationships that work well are the ones that encourage you to be a better person without trying to change you into someone other than yourself.

There's no need to pretend to be someone you're not. Don't feel threatened and don't conform only to please them. Let people love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. Or allow them to walk away.

They judge you by your past, hold it against you and refuse to forgive you. They refuse to support you or allow you to grow past your mistakes.

• Forgive yourself. People find it much harder to forgive themselves than to forgive others.
• Try self-love. You are more than your past mistakes.
• Learn from your mistakes and improve yourself. Understand what went wrong, and work on it so that it never happens again.