The Problem with Over-Friendly People

1) They believe they must agree on everything.

• Their ritual approval may seem attentive, in truth, it's a version of not listening at all.

2) Their praise is ill-targeted

• Plenty of nice things are being said, but they're not the one we happen to value.
• Everyone loves being praised, but to be praised inaccurately is its own kind of insult.

3) Their friendliness is remorselessly upbeat.

• They only focus on the good parts of our life, ignoring the dark, gloomy, and lonelier side of it.

1. That disagreement isn't necessarily or always terrible.
2. That people only wants to be complimented on things they are actively proud of.
3. That we are not cheered up not so much by people who say cheery things, as by people who appear to understand us, sympathize with us.

"Other people cannot, deep down, ever be very 'other' , and therefore that, in core ways, what one knows about oneself will be the master-key to understanding and getting along with stranger; not in every case, but enough of the time to make the difference."

• We must first accept the risk that we might well displease them through a candid expression of our being.
• Successful charm relies on a initial secure sense that we could survive social failure.
• We must reconcile ourselves to the risk of not making friends to stand any chance of actually making any.