How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials

EQ can evolve and increase with our desire to learn and grow.

... so they don't overwhelm you and affect your judgment. 

In order to change the way you feel about a situation, you must first change the way you think about it. 

Increased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for my dream job. I’ll be devastated if they don’t hire me.”
Decreased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for three exciting positions. If one doesn’t pan out, there are two more I’m well qualified for.”

How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool. 

• If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air. 
• If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. 

One method to consider when needing to express difficult emotions is the XYZ technique - I feel X when you do Y in situation Z. 

Avoid using sentences that begin with "you" and followed by accusation or judgment, such as "you are...," "you should...," or "you need to... ." 

• When you feel angry and upset with someone, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you'll figure out a better way of communicating the issue.
• Try to put yourself in the difficult individual’s shoes, even for just a moment. For example, consider the person you’re dealing with, and complete the sentence: “It must not be easy…. ”

With every challenging situation we encounter, ask questions such as “What is the lesson here?” 

Ask constructive questions based on learning and priorities, and we can gain the proper perspective to help us tackle the situation at hand. 

Sharing intimate feelings with someone in an appropriate relationship, in a manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same.