10 Way to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.

Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.

There are two key feelings that are red flags that you are letting go of your boundaries.

• Discomfort. Ask yourself what is causing the discomfort.
• Resentment. Resentment usually comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.

With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.

There are other times you might need to be frank, such as with those who have a different personality or cultural background.

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. Give yourself permission to set boundaries.

If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, ask yourself what's changed. Find out what you do have control over and what you are going to do about it.

Consider how you were raised along with your role in your family. These can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries.

Is there a healthy give and take with the people you surround yourself with?

Putting yourself first gives you the energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there for them. 

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, seek some support: a support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.

It’s important to communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.

Let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you. Do it respectfully and work together to address it.

Communicating your boundaries takes practice.

Start with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increase to more challenging boundaries.