300 Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh | Keep Inspiring Me

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”

“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”

“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.”

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”

“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?”

“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.”

“Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are.”

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. ”

“Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.”

“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”

“People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.”

“It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.”