How to Have Closer Friendships (and Why You Need Them)

We are social beings and we need to create intimacy with other people, for the well-being of our body, mind, and heart.

Close friendships regulate our emotional distress because in difficult times, being close to someone you feel attachment in a safe way is the most effective way to calm yourself.

Close friendships need intimacy and reciprocation to exist.

• Intimacy means being able to be fully yourself and be seen and understood by others.
• Reciprocation means that both people feel they are seen and understood by the other person.

“We think about relationships as things that happen to us, but the truth is that we make them happen.”

1. Create a foundation of security.
2. Look your friends in the face and give them your full attention.
3. Help people understand and accept you. Be honest and stop pretending to be somebody cooler than you are.
4. Ask for help even when you don’t need it so you’ll feel more comfortable reaching out when you'll know ho they respond to this kind of request.
5. Accept that closeness varies from person to person. We all need it in different doses.

• Consistency (Do these friends drift in and out of my life on a whim?)
• Availability (How available are they to spend time together?)
• Reliability (Can I count on them if I need something?)
• Responsiveness (Do they reply to my emails and texts? Do I hear from them on a consistent basis?)
• Predictability (Can I count on them to act in a certain way?)